Being here this long has been such a blessing. It´s been the most tiring, wonderful, painful and amazing 5 months. I dont really know what i do day in and day out.... when the night comes and the bell rings sometimes i try to think back on the day.. what was i doing all these hours?? where did the time go??
These past few weeks have been spent on talking to kids, playing, running, jumping, biting, hugging, calming the fighting boys, taking all the little ones for a walk and to the beach, saving baby kittens, getting gum out of hair.. etc. you name it.
Also, since tuesday i have been in charge of Beth and Elsa ( the two 4 year olds). Wow. It´s very different being in charge and responsable for everything they do. Its mostly different because I dont get to play play with the 8-9 year olds as much since im constantly looking after the little ones. Every day is different with them.. every minute is so unpredictable, their attitudes are so flip floppy that i never know if one second they are going to cry or laugh. Getting them to sit and eat (without crying and pitching a fit) has definitly been the most difficult thing. But like i said, every day is different. One day it will pass that they both are crazy and crying, and we all spend an hour staring at the food-untill they suddenly decide to stuff it all down in 5 seconds and then they walk out like little princesses as they dry their tears.
Its also been a lot of fun. I love waking them up in the morning, getting them ready for school, doing their hair, seeing them off, being there when they get back, doing chores with them, playing, reading, napping, brushing teeth, pj´s, praying. I love the night when they are super content and we all read (their attention span is about 3 minutes) then they each pray and i pray. I love them so much and I hate to leave them . But they are definitly anything but little princesses. They fight constantly, hit, take things, tell on eachother, and throw incredibly dramatic temper tantroms. They need so much love... just like every child, and im very blessed to have this time to love them.
I do ask for tons of prayer as i still try to love on all the other little ones. It´s so tough loving kids all the time. ...and sometimes my patience runs so thin, some times my body cant take any more, and sometimes (I hate to say it) but i dont care enough to talk, discipline, or love.
*just a side note -This whole experience just within thesepast few days has made me insanely thankful for my mom. Its made me realize how much it takes to be a mom, how much she has, and how much i was/am ungrateful at times for the love she gave/gives me. and shes not done loving me, my siblings, her grandkids, and the foster kids she and dad care for. *
Sometimes i think im ready to ¨be a mom¨.. but i am soo lacking in the love, maturity, patience, and care that it takes to be a mom. But i do love them all individually for specific reasons. they all have their little ¨bichos¨or ¨stuff¨about them,... but i love them and i need to rest and believe that Jesus is fighting for them and loves them more than i do.
theres a lot more to write... ill be around tomorrow ¨resting¨ (haha) till the little girls get back from school so i might be able to make it over to the computer again. please keep praying. Thank you all for the constant love, thoughts and prayers. >Ill be back soon.