Friday, November 26, 2010

una semana

Time goes so incredibly fast... i dont know if it´s just here, or everywhere. in 7 days ill be home with my family. Im so thankful, but also very sad to leave Casa Hogar. This being my 3rd year, i feel as if the kids and Casa hogar are a part of me. God has been so gracious in allowing me to be here this long, to survive 6 months, to keep me healthy, to keep me sane and loving the kids and Mexico. He has protected me, strengthened me, and has only made my desire to be here even stronger. Dont think that im not excited about being back though. I know that my time is up, my support account is running out :) and God wants me to be home. ... and i think my arthritis will kill me if i dont come home in 7 days.

So i ended up having the 2 little girls an extra 8 days and i was so thankful for those precious days. again,... it was difficult, stressful, funny and tiring.. but i love those girls and enjoyed being able to care for them. not that i cant care for them even now... but its different because im not tecnically in charge of them anymore.

Tomorrow will be my last saturday, ,... my last time going to be the beach with all the kids. I think the older girls and i will go out for tacos tomorrow night. Today we helped put up a (fake) tree in the office and decorate for xmas! that was a lot of fun it made me get into the christmas spirit when i saw the flashing lights. Yes i know thats not what Christmas is about :) but it did make me excited and thankful that i was going to be able to pass xmas with the fam, buy a tree, decorate, make cookies... etc. I do hope to spend christmas in Casa hogar some year though:)

right now as i think about leaving i need prayer that God will put my fears at ease. that i will know deeply that the Lord is taking care of the kids, that He is always watching over Casa Hogar. I hate to leave.... not that my role here is doing so much, but i do pray that the God sends someone to watch over these girls and boys. That He sends someone to love them. I want these kids, more than anything, to know how loved they are by me, by the other workers, and mostly by Jesus-and that the love of Jesus actually changes their hearts, lives and decisions each day.

thank yall so so much for supporting me. i hope im not talking (writing) to myself here.. becasue i hope that yall know im very appreciative of people that give of their time and money to see the kigdom of God grow.. thats what i hope and pray is happening at Casa Hogar. Thank you again and p`lease pray for my last week to be a sweet time. Pray that i dont get too sad, that the traveling back goes well, .. but mainly continue to pray for Casa Hogar and the kids.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

less than a month

Being here this long has been such a blessing. It´s been the most tiring, wonderful, painful and amazing 5 months. I dont really know what i do day in and day out.... when the night comes and the bell rings sometimes i try to think back on the day.. what was i doing all these hours?? where did the time go??
These past few weeks have been spent on talking to kids, playing, running, jumping, biting, hugging, calming  the fighting boys, taking all the little ones for a walk and to the beach, saving baby kittens, getting gum out of hair.. etc. you name it.

Also, since tuesday i have been in charge of Beth and Elsa ( the two 4 year olds). Wow. It´s very different being in charge and responsable for everything they do. Its mostly different because I dont get to play play with the 8-9 year olds as much since im constantly looking after the little ones. Every day is different with them.. every minute is so unpredictable, their attitudes are so flip floppy that i never know if one second they are going to cry or laugh. Getting them to sit and eat (without crying and pitching a fit) has definitly been the most difficult thing. But like i said, every day is different. One day it will pass that they both are crazy and crying, and we all spend an hour staring at the food-untill they suddenly decide to stuff it all down in 5 seconds and then they walk out like little princesses as they dry their tears.
Its also been a lot of fun. I love waking them up in the morning, getting them ready for school, doing their hair, seeing them off, being there when they get back, doing chores with them, playing, reading, napping, brushing teeth, pj´s, praying. I love the night when they are super content and we all read (their attention span is about 3 minutes) then they each pray and i pray. I love them so much and I hate to leave them . But they are definitly anything but little princesses. They fight constantly, hit, take things, tell on eachother, and throw incredibly dramatic temper tantroms. They need so much love... just like every child, and im very blessed to have this time to love them.
I do ask for tons of prayer as i still try to love on all the other little ones. It´s so tough loving kids all the time. ...and sometimes my patience runs so thin, some times my body cant take any more, and sometimes (I hate to say it) but i dont care enough to talk, discipline, or love.
*just a side note -This whole experience just within thesepast few days has made me insanely thankful for my mom. Its made me realize how much it takes to be a mom, how much she has, and how much i was/am ungrateful at times for the love she gave/gives me. and shes not done loving me, my siblings, her grandkids, and the foster kids she and dad care for. *
Sometimes i think im ready to ¨be a mom¨.. but i am soo lacking in the love, maturity, patience, and care that it takes to be a mom. But  i do love them all individually for specific reasons. they all have their little ¨bichos¨or ¨stuff¨about them,... but i love them and i need to rest and believe that Jesus is fighting for them and loves them more than i do.
theres a lot more to write... ill be around tomorrow ¨resting¨ (haha) till the little girls get back from school so i might be able to make it over to the computer again. please keep praying. Thank you all for the constant love, thoughts and prayers. >Ill be back soon.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

So there are about 5 more weeks left. time is flying by...
there was a new change of pace for me and the kids the past week when a team came. but it wasnt just any team.. it was MY team with my dad and sister! I cant really explain how excited i was even just knowing my dad was going to be there. but then when i saw my sister peak around the corner in the airport i lost it and did my whole crying over the top and embarrasing everyone around me thing. It was great to have that week with the my daddy and big sister and im SO THANKFUL for the people that made our time together possible. Thank you so much!!
 i know ill see them and everyone soon,.. ergo i didnt cry my eyes out when i said goodbye.

Honestly i didnt really know how much the team and i were going to get done in Casa Hogar. But making a dent in construction isnt what its all about. What its about is just being there.. being an example of love even for a short time. Even if a kids can have a good time, play a fun game, and be held by someone for a few days- thats something. I know the kids were greatly impacted by the team of women and my dad. They all gave so much love to the kids, and Christ was just pouring out of them everywhere they went.. and i know the kids can see that. Its especially good for the new boys and girls that just came to casa hogar.
The friday night fiesta was a hoot. PiÑatas, hamburgers, and dancing.. you cant really go wrong. I had a blast dancing with the kids and i loved dancing with my dad-who is a great dancer btw-

these past few days since the team left have been filled with the same ol thing... and i love it! some stuff this week,...
-Mornings always vary... monday i went to help out the missionary family Donna and Irving with her 3 kids. The afternoon was the usual playing with girls upstairs ... we have recently been playing a lot of ¨school¨ which they love to do. Im either the strict teacher, or the disobedient student. I also have been reestablishing my hidden love for soccer and have been playing a lot with the kids. I hope to come back able to do some pretty sweet moves. Tuesday was kinda funny... because of a miscommunication i ended up not going to sobre el puente in the morning. Its interesting how God can totally change how you thought your day was going to go. waking up and thinking you know exactly whats going to happen.... then having everything change. I liked it though, and used my morning at Casa to help some kids that wwere there with homework. The ones that go to the public school came back early so i ended up having extra time with them as well. Besides playing school.. we love to play tag, make bracelets, read, tickle, play ïm flying¨, and sleep. I love these girls so much i cant imagine being away from them. I know i cant be here forever... i cant be their mom or even their sister. But I can be something in the time im here. i can talk to them, love them, and try to help them understand that Jesus loves them too.
each one of them is so precious. not only to me, but to God. He has taken care of them by bringing them here, and they are so blessed to be in a safe and secure environment with people that love them and friends to play and talk to.
They are so silly-they love to play and invent things, play jokes, run around for no reason, dance like maniacs. they are so smart- they love to read, draw, organize, do homework. They are so talented- some are incredibly athletic, some love to dance, sing, play instruments, make bracelets..
Im going to miss them so much. They need so much love and have so much love to give.

This coming up week starting monday im going to be in charge of the youngest 2 girls while the real ¨care giver¨is going to be in the US. Ill be looking after two 4 year olds... soooo.. pray for me. I love these girls so much and im really excited, but also i know im naive in thinking i wont get tired or annoyed. Pray for the patience that im going to need...
Pray for the patience i need now as i am living daily with almost 60 kids. Pray that i stay focused and that my mission will continue to be to share the love of Jesus through my words and actions. Pray that i use the rest of my time here, 5 short short weeks, to do the best i can, to remember that Jesus loves me no matter what, and to love the kids. Pray that i dont get too sad as time is running down, and that ill look forward more and more to be back with my church, family and friends.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

If you had asked me about 3 weeks ago if I wanted to come home in Oct, I probably would have said yes- that i missed my family too much, that the work was too hard, that the kids were too difficult, that the sun was too bright, and i was in too much pain physically.
But thinking about it now, I cant imagine leaving.... whether in Oct with my group that's coming, or on Dec 3 (when i actually HAVE to leave). I dont like thinking about not being here. The Lord has been helping and strengthening me a lot recently... just enough to get through the day, then i start all over. It's so tiring at times, it's hot ALL the time, and keeping up physically is tough. But my help comes from the Lord, and He gives me just enough strengh, patience, and joy to make it.
Being here longer than 2 months, I see things. some things that i dont want to realize about people, Casa Hogar, and myself. But also being here more than 2 months has enabled me to get to know so many of the kids. 10 new kids arrived in just a month, and i love them so much!
My days the past month have pretty much been like this: get up- go to (either) Sobre el Puente, Or the school Nuevo Horizonte. Recently ive been going to the school to organize and come up with a system for their "library." It's been fun. Ive also been able to sit in on the classes and see how the english teachers teach.
-so then i leave and depending where i went that morning i either get back aroun 1 or 3.
-after the kids at Casa get back from school and they have eaten, I go and play with the little kids. We play alot, from doing flips and running around, playing horse, playing barbies, cards etc.. you know, what little girls do..
-at 5 it's homework time, and it always varies each day how long ill be doing that. yesterday we did homework till about 7, but some days it's 30 min.
-afternoons are full of chatting and talking, playing soccer, buying little candies, etc..

*a fun Monday*
-On Monday I accompanied the Preschool from Nuevo Horizonte on a field trip to the Naval Port(?) where all the boats are. It was so much fun! Honestly, i had a blast. I was in charge of Beth and Elsa (2 four year olds from Casa Hogar.) the base was full of Marines.. and Every time we passed anyone in a uniform  beth and Elsa said "buenos dias Marinero! Como esta!"-("Good morning Marine How are you!" ) it was adorable. We went on a huge boat but didnt even take off. and within 10 minutes i had to get off and just stand by the side of the boat because i got "sea sick." It was kinda embarrasing, and i hated to leave them, but i also didnt want to throw up. I just stood by the boat and waved at Beth and Elsa for the last 30 minutes of their boat tour. We got done around 11 30, and all the parents came to pick up their little kids, and i took the 4 kindergarden Casa hogar kids back home with me in Taxi. that was fun too, b/c beth and elsa were singing the whole time.  It was a good bonding day especially with the little girls, and i was very thankful that the other preschool teachers from Nuevo Horz. allowed me to go. We got home earlier than the other kids, so the 4 of them came in my kitchen and drew and watched a cartoon.

Not every day is full and exciting. some days im so tired that by the time I go upstairs to play with the girls i end up crashing on one of their beds instead.

well this computer is about to die, i have to go. im going to see my dad in 11 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

   For those of yall that are not Mexican and dont know, tomorrow is Mexico´s Independence day and also Bicentenial celebration. they go all out on food, decorations, fireworks... no one has work or school tomorrow. It should be pretty crazy. Besides going to Sobre el puente in the morning im not planning on going out. wr are having a fiesta at sobre el puente the 15th, and then the 16th Casa hogar will have a fiesta with everyone from the church. Obviously ive never been here for this holiday, but i did see pictures from last year and the party looks  really fun. traditional dances, tons of food, tons of people.. im really excited.
  Recently I have been going over to the missionary couples´house to help babysit, to eat and be encouraged. I go to sobre el puente in the mornings with Irving, the dad, and go to the house to hang out and help Donna, the mom. They are an amazing couple, great parents to 3 beautiful children, and so helpful in giving me spiritual encouragement. Im very thankful for them. I talked recently to Donna about how it can be a bit disheartening working in casa and sobre el puente. I want so much to see an overnight change in some of these kids... i want to see these street kids live a drug and pain free life, thrive and have a future like every kid should, and be changed by Jesus. i want these kids of casa hogar to see how much i love them, how much Jesus has already done for them. I want them to love Jesus, me, and love eachother.
  Please please pray for the kids at casa hogar and at sobre el puente. The Lord can do incredible things and i know He is working in some of these guys and girls. Pray that I keep trying to witness to them. I have seen that with some of the kids, the older girls especially, my words cant do anything. Nothing i say can get through to them. It doesnt matter how much i try to love them, they only try to hurt me and others. It doesnt matter how much they have at casa Hogar, they refuse to see the good in their lives. I know that my words are not powerful enough to break the years and years of walls built up.. only Jesus and His words are strong enough to break them. I love these girls so much. therefore i will continue to forgive and love them, be there for them if and when they need me, and I will try to use the words of Jesus to get through to them. Most importantly i need to continue to pray for them. I am no different than them at all, so please continue to pray for me and my soul as well.
   This post is a bit shorter because im baby sitting at the couples´s house and the twins are screaming bloody murder... also its shorter because this is mainly the only thing thats been on my heart recently. Please pray for these kids and continue to pray for me.

pray for mexico - and !!!!VIVA MEXICO!!!!!

Monday, September 6, 2010

almost sep 15!!

Hi yall.
 Since the last time i wrote the kids have started classes, I´m back at Sobre el puente in the mornings, and homework is basically all afternoon. I love getting up at seeing the kids leave for school. They have the cutest uniforms here in Mexico!  I dont understand why in the world schools would make them ever wear white, but all their uniforms are white with green pants, or red pants.. and they have to keep them super clean all the time. It´s interesting, and a little distressing seeing how similar the schools here are to the schools in France...from what i remember of france. I went with the kids about a month ago to their middle school, and today I went to one of the high schools just to see how it was. And I can say that it is ALOT different in the United States. It makes me a little nervous because I always said i wanted to be a´n english teacher here in Mexico...we´ll see.
 Like i always say,.. I really cant change anything here on my own, and sometimes my powerlessness is a little depressing. sometimes all I can do is continue in the little things like helping with homework, helping make food at sobre el puente, playing uno with the street kids, laughing with them, singing with them, .. playing soccer at casa,... I know God can use me in the mundane day to day stuff.
 But my patience and my good attitude collapses at times, my temper gets the better of me, and sometimes it is so frustrating living with kids. But it´s good to hang out with the older guys and girls too,. and recently ive been enjoying cooking and listening to music in the kitchen with some of the older ones. God has blessed me with some great times here, some difficult ones to learn by, and has given me great friends here.

In these past two weeks i have realized that the reason i have felt so consumed by the hard times is because i have been lacking personal devotional time. It´s good to realize again and again how important it is to read the Bible. .. which is what i had been forgetting these past few weeks. I wake up incredibly early and have no problem journaling and praying,... but as far as reading the Bible, I had been putting that off. I think it´s because i thought that i had read it all and didnt need to read it again so soon. But today and yesterday I started reading the Old Testament, probably for the first time in a LONG time, ... and you know what it´s actually really really interesting. It´s not full of stories of perfect people who performed miracles. The more I read the more i realize that it´s really full of stories of sinners who suffer from what we all suffer from...pride and unbelief. and more importantly it´s about how God´s grace was true then, and it´s true now. The more i realize how much of a sinner i am and how much Im forgiven, it makes it easier to forgive these kids at times.

 In closing... Ill be continuing to go to Sobre el puente in the morning, be in Casa in the afternoons. I need deep continuous prayer that I realize more why God has brought me here and what He wants. i need prayer to be able to stay true to my ministry here, to love these kids with all my heart and to want the best for them. I need prayer to love mexico... because its hard to not get frustrated with the culture differences.  I need prayer for my arthritis.
 Thank you all for supporting me. Im very thankful for this time here. Im thankful for my family here in mexico and the church, and im thankful for yall, family and friends, back in the states. I love you all.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

im not dead

hey yall. its august 21 ... i know.. i havent written in what, like a month or so. woopsy. Believe it or not, there is alot going on. alot of random happenings during the day. alot of canceld internet cafe trips... hair cuts, going to the beach, playing Halo, reading, and hanging out with the kids gets in the way of me leaving. If anyone wants to bring me a computer down here that would always be appreciated. while youre at it could you bring me a few pair of shorts too.
  But serioulsy, everything is good. health wise im fine. I could use a few more veggies in my diet but who couldnt. There are always things i want to share with yall. Even during the day sometimes i think about what im going to write. There has been alot thats happened so far, but ill just share with yall a few things recently.
. yesterday an outting to go running with one of the kids turned into me taking 15 of the smaller boys and girls and a few bigger kids to the beach for about 3 hours. It was so much fun, and on our way back we stopped and got about 35 mangos from someones tree. a few of the kids and i had passed by the previous week and the lady invited us on the roof and even provided us with her huge stick-basket thing to get the mangos down. yesterday was alot of fun... and when we got back to Casa Hogar we had a huge evening of peeling, cutting, and eating mangos with salsa. it was delicious but apparently causes bad diarrhea... i guess we ll find out.
 The kids all start school on monday.. so they are all enjoying the relaxation of these last days. with the rain and all.. relaxing means literally just sitting. theres alot of sitting going on right now. im loving it too... sitting and playing halo. sitting and talking.. sitting and making bracelts, watching tv, reading, hanging out.. My kitchen has been used pretty much regularly as the entertainment room for the girls. they always make fun of me because i dont have any food other than milk and cococrispies from the previous group. i eat what the kids eat and when the kids eat so i dont buy food. but that has been fun having them in the kitchen. Relationships are growing, especially with a few of them.. but its still so difficult because none of them are constant. i guess im not constantly content either.. or constantly nice... But it has been a struggle with the girls especially to continue to be there for them every second and to be a witness. The Lord is teaching me to be faithfully forgiving and kind even when they are not.. He is teaching me to be strong, to be wise and compassionate.. to see situations through their eyes... to not be so sensative. he has given me courage and endurance. Its very comforting to know that He is for me and not against me. He is fighting for me.
  school starts on monday... so what does that mean for me. I have no idea really.. What i think that im going to do is in the mornings i will either go to Nuevo Horizonte-the christian school- to help out with the missionary english teachers, and or i will be going to Sobre el puente-the street kids ministry- in the morning and coming back to casa Hogar in the afternoons. when the kids get back they have a mountain of homework that needs to be done, then chores, eating, hanging out, and they go to bed earlier. we have enjoyed some great late nights... but now the partying is over and bed time is going to be 8 i think, and no more sleep overs till the weekend. But i will be pretty busy with the school, sobre el puente, and helping with homework. Honestly this is a very rough plan of what might happen. ill let yall know what im actually doing when the time comes.
  As much as i miss school work-not- im very happy to be here at casa hogar. as much as i miss my family and friends, church and town, i feel that God is really going to bless the rest of my time here. im not counting down my days, but im trying to enjoy each one and live it for the glory of God. I do a pretty bad job at glorifying Him in every situation... and it s insanely tough loving at all times. But God is so good and restores my strength every day.
 Pray for these kids. Pray that God changes their hearts and lives. Pray that I can be a witness to the boys and girls, the younger and older ones.